Talk about Culture Shock.
I'm not gonna lie... coming back home was one of the hardest, most emotional, most confusing times of my life.
I was SO sad to leave my friends from YWAM... being away from them is the hardest thing. I was SO sad to leave the environment of community living where everybody you're surrounded with is in love with Jesus and where the people around you constantly push you to grow more and more in who He's called you to be. I was SO sad to leave Hawaii... beautiful Hawaii.
It was hard too because I felt like I should be HAPPIER to come home and see my family and my man again... and I was happy because I had really missed them, but I almost felt like I was sadder to leave than I was happy to come home. All these people were excited to see me, and I was just in this crazy, extremely emotional state that didn't reciprocate any of the excitement I received.
Nothing could've prepared me for the crazy emotions I felt in the first few days of coming home.
I MISS living the life I lived these past 5.5 months. I would do it again in a heartbeat. But, God's got my life in His hands, which is where I want to constantly leave it, and I'm trusting that tho this transition phase has been slightly more difficult than I anticipated, He knows what He's doing and He has my life under control. I'm at home now, back in the real world of family, work, and eventually school, and I can't help but try to bend my life around the truth that Jim Elliot once spoke:
"Wherever you are.... be all there."
So here I am. Home again. Back in beautiful Colorado. Miles away from any ocean, miles away from people I've loved so much and shared my life with these past few months. Sometimes I'm tempted to give into the confusion that Satan likes to throw me in... (and I know its Satan doing it because God is not a God of confusion...) ... that is, the feeling that my life has no great meaning, that I CAN'T do anything REALLY for the Kingdom of God, that I can't pursue the God of the Ages intensely in the midst of my crazy, busy schedule here at home.
Lies, Lies, Lies.
I've tasted His goodness and seen His truth. I've seen so clearly how He is alive and moving at such a great speed all across the earth, for the glory of His name. I've experienced His presence and want absolutely nothing less than cultivating His presence every day in my life.
Being back, being in that crazy, emotional phase has taught me that I can't do this on my own. I can't figure my life out on my own and I can't pretend like I have everything altogether... because honestly I don't. I'm a crazy, at times confused little girl who is SO in need of a Savior, and I want to spend the rest of my life getting to know that Savior on a much deeper, personal level than I know anyone else.
I'm SO grateful for my experiences, for the AMAZING journey God guided me on these past few months. I would do it again in a heartbeat. Praise Jesus!!!
Eating lunch at the Teen Challenge Center.... the sweet guys served us a Kyrgyz dish called "Plov"... and culture is that its rude to not eat EVERYTHING they gave us.... but oh my gosh it was way too much food tho. 
